Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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