i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
