You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
