Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
