You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
