and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
