I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
