but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Congratulations! We have a period
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
