its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
