Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
