Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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