I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
