The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
