ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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