Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
