it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
