i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
