I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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