you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
