News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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