I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
