I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Randomize
