New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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