The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
