maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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