He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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