I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
