I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
