"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
