Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
