So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
