I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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