I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
