He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
