HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
