Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
