a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
