I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
