Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
