Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
