I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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