ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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