Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
