i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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