Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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