i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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