I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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