Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
