Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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