I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
These tits shall not be calmed
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