I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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