i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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