Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
