you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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