She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
