Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we're so committed to being not committed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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