I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
