If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
